Overview
Excerpt: “Why is He So Mean to Me?”
“For it is not an enemy who reproaches me, then I could bear it; nor is it one who hates me who has exalted himself against me, then I could hide myself from him. But it is you, a man my equal, my companion and my familiar friend…” Psalm 55:12-13
It is difficult to contemplate anything more painful than to be treated poorly on a consistent basis by someone who professes to love you.
On behalf of those of us who have experienced this reality – and we are many – it is my objective to enlighten others who find themselves in similar circumstances. I seek no fame or glory, but only to perhaps save others from unnecessary pain and break the cycle of abuse among us for the benefit of today’s families and future generations. If someone who reads this sees himself or herself and demands better, then I will consider my undertaking as having had significant value.
Perhaps like you, I never dreamed I would be one of them, never considered that abuse would touch our family or imagined that my children and I would, for a time, live in fear, or that we would be forced to leave our home. Nor could I have pictured a day when we would find freedom and a fresh start to begin restoring a measure of what was taken from us, and what I, through my enabling behaviors, gave away.
As a young woman, I had seen “Sleeping With the Enemy” and read my share of articles and books that chronicled tales of abuse – usually physical. I thought women in abusive relationships were either blind or stupid or both. Why didn’t those women tell their abusive partners where to get off the first time they said or did something cruel?
Unfortunately, for all the wrong reasons, I now know that it’s not that simple. Or maybe it is. Maybe those of us who are guilty of enabling are blind or stupid – through a combination of choice, ignorance and deception. We don’t set out to be enablers – to turn a blind eye to hurtful actions and attitudes. In looking back and now looking forward and seeing others in similar situations, it is apparent that what we experience is quite often a slow burn, a gradual change. It may happen so incrementally that it is difficult to pinpoint an actual moment in time when we realized that we were trapped in a cycle of abuse – if we are fortunate enough to realize it at all.”