echo establecido hace demasia.
es simplemente el texto de relleno de las imprentas y archivos de texto.
es simplemente el texto de relleno de las imprentas y archivos de texto.
Contrary to popular belief, Lorem Ipsum is not simply random text. It has roots in a piece of classical Latin literature from 45 BC, making it over 2000 years old. Richard McClintock, a Latin professor at Hampden-Sydney College in Virginia, looked up one of the more obscure Latin words, consectetur.
There are many variations of passages of Lorem Ipsum available, but the majority have suffered alteration in.
There are many variations of passages of Lorem Ipsum available, but the majority have suffered alteration in.
There are many variations of passages of Lorem Ipsum available, but the majority have suffered alteration in.
Lorem Ipsum is simply dummy text of the printing and typesetting industry..
“He who justifies the wicked and he who condemns the righteous, both of them alike are an abomination to the Lord.” Proverbs 17:15 It happens all the time. A victim of abuse finds the courage to step out of the shadows of her shame and fear to reveal the truth about what has happened to […]
It is a strange thing to invest so much energy into convincing yourself that your relationship is normal only to one day be jolted by the reality that there is nothing normal about it, to be forced to admit that your relationship is patently unhealthy, destructive, and yes, abusive.
If you put together a list of all the primary strategies that abusers use to keep their victims living a life of emotional paralysis, 99% of them would probably apply to the man to whom I was married for 20 years. But as I read and hear other women’s stories, other more subtle patterns emerge, […]
“Love…is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own…” I Corinthians 13:4-5 (in part) The abuser claims to care, but it is not love that motivates him. His end-game is to assume total domination and control over his victim, to coerce his bride into accommodating his egocentric agenda and surrendering to […]
After separating from my abusive husband, I made it clear that I would not live with him unless and until his attitudes and behaviors changed dramatically. After a couple of weeks of listening to him whine and complain about my unrealistic expectations, he suddenly entered Alcoholics Anonymous and seemingly found the will to turn his life around. […]
“…the one who knows the right thing to do and does not do it, to him it is sin.” James 4:17 A commenter on my blog (who identifies himself as “CR”) recently submitted a response to a woman whose comments appeared on a previous article of mine entitled, “If Only He Would Hit Me?” I am posting […]
“You have heard it was said,‘love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:43-44 This is a powerful verse that is often used to compel victims of abuse to remain with their abusers. The pretense is that no matter how we are […]
“There smites nothing so sharp, nor smelleth so sour as shame.” William Langland (English poet, 1332-c. 1386) It ranks among the most painful incidents of my life, an event I never could have foreseen. It happened during a grueling, four-hour counseling session with my abusive husband – the day before I left him. At several […]
“For You have been a defense for the helpless, a defense for the needy in his distress, a refuge from the storm, a shade from the heat; For the breath of the ruthless is like a rain storm against a wall.” Isaiah 25:3 There are days when it feels as though the battle is never-ending, […]
“The integrity of the upright will guide them, but the crookedness of the treacherous will destroy them.” Proverbs 11:3 Part I Whenever there is something in your relationship with your abuser that needs to be fixed, undone, redone, created, accommodated, facilitated, or apologized for, just know that it’s on you to do it. From early […]
[Spoiler Alert] I stopped by the Christian bookstore the other day to look for some new reading material when I overheard a patron at the counter ask the store cashiers if they had seen the movie “War Room.” They both happily responded in the affirmative. Another gentleman browsing nearby immediately interjected that he liked it as […]
After escaping my abusive marriage, it was quite some time before I could begin to see men with any measure of objectivity, for during the craziness that came with divorcing my abuser, I arrived at the convenient conclusion that all men were scum. My new mantra was clear and simple, and it felt good to […]
But to the wicked God says, “What right have you to tell of My statutes and to take My covenant in your mouth? For you hate discipline, and you cast My words behind you. When you see a thief, you are pleased with him, and you associate with adulterers. You let your mouth loose in […]
In her book, “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage,” author Leslie Vernick writes, “It’s crucial that you not lose your empathy and compassion even in a destructive marriage… One of the things that kills empathy and compassion for someone we once felt love is the buildup of negative emotions, especially resentment.”[i] I must assert from the get-go my […]
“Transgression speaks to the ungodly within his heart; there is no fear of God before his eyes. For it flatters him in his own eyes concerning the discovery of his iniquity and the hatred of it. The words of his mouth are wickedness and deceit; He has ceased to be wise and to do good. […]
“The one who says, “I have come to know Him,” and does not keep His commandments, is a liar, and the truth is not in him…” I John 2:4 I had the pleasure of hearing Hal Lindsey speak recently on the subject of reconciliation. He defined the New Testament term for “reconciliation” as the restoration between […]
One afternoon less than a year into our marriage, I returned to our apartment to find my then-husband waiting impatiently for me in the living room. He didn’t waste a moment before severely scolding me for failing to turn off the stereo receiver before leaving home. He then launched into an in-depth lecture about the […]
Well, Mr. Jimmy Evans has done it again, sending out another pathetically predictable missive on how to save your marriage. This one seemingly provides steps to falling in love again for those whose marriages are on the rocks. While there are a lot of things he writes here that I would be inclined to question, […]
Upon separating from my abusive husband, a whole new realm of emotions surfaced: a constant fear of what new tactics my abuser might employ to torment me now that I was no longer within easy reach, fears with regard to the kind of future my children and I might face, and on top of it […]
One of my readers referred me to Marriage Builder Weekly, a series of weekly articles designed to “save your marriage,” headed up by Jimmy Evans at Marriage Today ministry. Over the past several weeks, I have responded to a few of the articles to inform the writer (presumably Mr. Evans) of my areas of disagreement, with regard to […]
“Strange game. The only winning move is not to play.” WarGames You may not even know he holds them, but the odds are good that, if you are in an abusive relationship, you have had these thrown at you more than once. They are trump cards. Abusers almost always have a trump card or two […]
“…purify your hearts, you double-minded.” James 4:8b An abuse victim’s thought process is a paradox as her mind waffles between extremes – a simmering resentment toward her abuser juxtaposed against a desperate, if destructive, addiction to him. The Scripture says that “…the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by […]
February 4, 2015 Contact: Cindy Burrell FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: […]
“Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil; cling to what is good.” Romans 12:9 As we seek to understand God’s way for us in the midst of an abusive relationship, there are times when the Scriptures can provoke us to doubt or fear the heart of the One who loves us. The […]
This is a French video with subtitles, but it is well worth the time to watch and share with others to help them to understand how the dynamics of verbal and emotional abuse incrementally, insidiously destroy the victim. It is one thing to watch this brief clip and see the pain in the woman’s eyes, […]
This is what physical abuse looks like. See the pain, not only on the woman’s face, but also in her countenance. Verbal and emotional abuse cause just as much harm; it’s just that others can’t see the wounds and the scars left behind. This Woman Took A Photo Of Herself Every Day For A Year. […]
Dear friend, I have no idea how long you might listen before you decide to shut me out. But what I have to say is important, and I hope you will give me just a few precious minutes to share what is on my heart. What I need to say may change how you see […]
The sun had barely crested the horizon that morning, when I awoke in my daughter’s bed. Turning over, I realized that, during the night, my neck and shoulders had turned to stone. I rose slowly and began to massage my neck to release some of the tension and became immediately overwhelmed with an emotional exhaustion […]
It has been said that man is the only creature who runs faster when he is lost. Sure enough, that was me – trying to survive in an abusive marriage, striving and praying and trying – running ever faster but always headed in the wrong direction. At long last I found myself backed into a […]
“No one else will ever want you.” It is as though he has taken a branding iron and seared the words into your soul. Rather than reject them and recognize that the one who speaks is both cruel and a liar, you find yourself teetering on the edge of self-doubt, pondering the words, allowing them to resonate […]
They don’t want to hear my stories. They refuse to believe what I say. “Show me your scars,” they tell me, crossing their arms in disdain. “Prove to me the harm he has done. Without physical proof of your pain, I have to assume you have none.” I suppose it is easy for the outsider […]
On the Reformed Baptist Fellowship blog, Pastor D. Scott Meadows recently offered a document he suggested should serve as a Christian Wife’s Marriage Catechism. Supposedly directed at believing women who are married to potentially ungodly unbelievers, let’s just say that upon reading it, I was enraged. I prefer to think of the piece as An Abuser’s […]
First off, this is Doug, not Cindy. So forgive my un-gentleness. Over at Reformed Baptist Fellowship.org Pastor D. Scott Meadows gives us a glimpse into the world of domination and control by wrongly wielding the scriptures to once again enforce the abusers mindset of total Narcissistic behavior and control over his ever so godly and submissive […]
His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression; under his tongue is mischief and wickedness. Proverbs 10:7 Just because an abuser is not raging does not mean he is suddenly safe or honest or genuine. An abuser’s words cannot be trusted. He is an artful deceiver and, in many cases, an out-and-out liar. Words […]
A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken. Proverbs 15:13 I know how hard it is to be in that in-between place, wondering whether you are simply going through a difficult season in your relationship or whether the relationship is truly abusive. If this is where […]
“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church…” Ephesians 5:28-29 I recently received an e-mail from one of my contacts requesting feedback […]
Those who have never experienced abuse tend to be bewildered by the victim’s mindset. It does seem utterly ridiculous that anyone subject to physical or emotional harm would deliberately choose to remain one more minute with the jerk who is inflicting it. The outsider will reason, “Well, if she is so determined to stay, the situation […]
Journal Entry: March 11, 2003 I now look at life differently. My children are more precious to me than ever. I love to hear them laugh and to daily tell them I love them and kiss them good-night. Colors seem more vivid. The breeze on my skin is fresh and invigorating. I find myself smiling for no good or apparent […]
From time to time, an abuse victim will ask me, “Do you believe our relationship can be saved?” Instantly, I feel the weight of it, for the question is filled with untold emotion and self-doubt. I have a pretty good idea where she is coming from. If she is anything like I was, the abuse […]
My eldest daughter, Charla, recently wrote a paper for her college psychology class about depression and decided to share it with me. The subject of her paper was her younger brother, Brett, and what he suffered as a young boy in an abusive home. (You can read Charla’s account of her class presentation here.) I […]
With her permission, I would like to share this story my eldest child, Charla, wrote for her college psychology class. It is about Brett, my youngest son. I shared an earlier piece about him that you can read here. Yesterday, I had a group presentation in my psychology class about depression, bipolar disorder, and suicide. Each […]
No list holds the power to change a person’s heart. It finally arrives – the heartbreaking yet liberating moment when you simply cannot live the lie for one more minute. The loneliness, shame and exhaustion can no longer be rationalized or minimized. There is nothing left to sort out or piece together or hope for, […]
I would like to introduce you to Amberly – the youngest of my four children, a sweet-natured darling, a delight to know and have around. At 18-years of age, she is a petite little thing, standing at five-foot-nothing, with long dark hair and soft hazel eyes. Since the day she was born, she has been […]
“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” Anais Nin In my years in this ministry, I have found that there are some people who seem to be reaching out for help and insight and healing. But, after many […]
Very recently, I received an e-mail from the sister of an abuse victim. It seems the writer’s abusive brother-in-law has instigated hostilities between himself and his victim-wife and her family. At one point, he threatened to seek a restraining order against his wife’s parents, and they no longer have contact with her. As a result […]
“The heart is more deceitful than all else and is desperately sick; who can understand it?” Jeremiah 17:9 I tromped downstairs in my usual stupor one weekday morning to brew a fresh pot of coffee before heading to work and found our black Labrador, Belle, at the foot of the stairs, wagging her tail […]
“Hope deferred makes the heart sick…” Proverbs 13:12 From a very young age, my second-born son, Brett, was positively delightful. He had a contagious smile that could light up a room, bright, dancing eyes and a playful, charming, sensitive disposition. That is the image of Brett I prefer to remember. But as the years passed, […]
“Time, whose tooth gnaws away at everything else, is powerless against truth.” – Thomas Huxley The above quote has become one of my favorites because I am certain that, in the end, the truth will be revealed. I also know that some lies are served up so consistently and convincingly that it can be difficult […]
Actually we were both on the radio yesterday. Well sort of. We recorded two hours of discussion on marriage and divorce. Cindy and I are both christian and on our second marriage. In a lot of church circles this is not just a taboo subject to speak of but also a taboo thing to do. Getting married […]
I am basically the same woman I was ten years ago – when I finally divorced my abusive husband. I think my kids and family and friends would agree that my demeanor, priorities and personality are not so different now from what they were then. So I wonder at times why the man to whom […]
Learn about divorce from the experience of a christian abuse victim and survivor. Christian Divorce Part One Christian Divorce Part Two
We have looked at two of the three areas where the Scriptures are often misinterpreted and subsequently misused to the detriment of those who suffer in abusive, neglectful and destructive marriages. The case has been made that God does not hate divorce or those who are compelled to divorce with cause, nor was it Jesus’ […]
Here are the links to the podcasts for the radio show I was on… Cindy on the radio, part 1 Cindy on the radio, part 2
Cindy is going to be on the radio with Pastor Jim Wilson from www.praynorthstate.org on the 8th and 9th of December. She will be talking about abuse. On a later date she will be talking about Biblical divorce. That should be a hot debate! Here are the stations she will be on KBLF in […]
You are no longer invited or wanted to participate in any form of communications with anyone on the website www.hurtbylove.com or the WordPress sites like this one associated with it. Be it us, the owners or any victims of abuse seeking help and comfort. Your email address’s, Facebook account, and IP’s have been recorded for […]
It is well past time to acknowledge the measure the harm that has been done as a result of the consistent failure of those in authority to recognize God’s intent as it relates to the application of biblical doctrine on the subject of divorce. In Part I, we examined the well-used “God hates divorce,” […]
“The Traditional Church Script” is how I have come to refer to the legalists’ dogmatic and unbiblical mantra to oppose biblical divorce and keep abuse victims bound in ungodly marriages. On Christian websites and in countless books authored by well-known authors we often find a virtually identical refrain. The writers lay down the law and […]
My conversation with my counselor went something like this: “I feel like I’m chasing after him. It’s like I’m trying to convince him that I’m worth loving.” “What do you think will happen if you stop?” “I’ll lose him” “Stop anyway.” God knows I did my best to keep my husband from walking away from […]
I’ll confess I have no idea what day of the week it was, or even the time of year. But, I remember the incident with absolute clarity – a day that had the most profound impact on my life. Doug and I had been married for a year, maybe two, and he was well-acquainted with […]
In many, perhaps most cases, men do not realize how greatly they are needed. This world still needs kings. Men, your wives and children, your communities and your churches need men of passionate conviction and sure-footed purpose. We need leaders who exhibit godly character and demonstrate fearless leadership. We are hungry for those who would […]
Making a commitment to live life according to a known truth will only yield its promised result if the truth to which you are committed is actually true. (You can read that again if it helps.) There are many principles to which I was committed during my 20-year marriage to a man who was a […]
“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.” I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank […]
At my church like many other churches they have a Men’s Ministry group, although I feel the name should be changed to “Men that Minister.” Anyway, I am always baffled when I am around men and they comment about how they seem to have a hard time connecting with their wives. Or when they share […]
Great post by Kellie Jo Holly at Verbal Abuse Journals The effects of abuse on your thinking is summed up in one word: BRAINWASHING. Don’t for one second believe that your abuser wasn’t smart enough to brainwash you because the ability to brainwash someone has nothing to do with smarts. Many abusers suffered abuse in their […]
Mr. Religious-Abuser, My name is Doug Burrell, co-founder of a ministry that helps women who are married to super religious, super anointed, scripture spouting, pharisaical vipers who are full of dead men’s bones! If you’re reading this letter, it most likely applies to you. Who in the hell do you think you are treating a […]
When push comes to shove, and an abuse victim has finally had her fill, the confrontation with her abuser will almost certainly set in motion a new set of somewhat predictable responses. It is a crucial moment for her, because denial has finally given way to determination, and though confusion typically reigns, clarity is gaining […]
Does God always answer our prayers? It is a question that begs an answer. How can it be that the abused who seeks respite from his or her condition through prayer for years receives no relief? Is it that God is not listening, does not care, or wishes for the abused to remain in their terrible […]
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Cindy Burrell Announces the Release of Her New Book on Biblical Divorce Author and abuse survivor Cindy Burrell is pleased to announce the release of her newest book, “God Is My Witness: Making a Case for Biblical Divorce.” “After years of prayerful study, I am eager to share what I believe reflects […]
What began as a life-changing encounter between a blind man and the Messiah should have culminated in celebration. Instead, this man whose life had been miraculously changed for the better finds himself facing cruel accusations and ultimately rejection. My story has some similarities. But, in order to understand my story, we must first take a […]
“Please,” the man said, “if you wouldn’t mind,” And at first I believed he was thoughtful and kind He pondered a moment, then pointed to where A rustic old bench sat under the stair “There are others whose dress is better selected Whose hair and accoutrements are more keenly collected But you may observe and […]
Abusers are extremely predictable. In my experience as a survivor and now through encounters with other abuse victims and survivors, it is apparent that the abuser’s response to separation from his or her enabler-victim taps into a collection of tactics that is shockingly consistent. So, in the event that you have separated or are considering […]
In response to an initial introduction and the typical inquiries of new acquaintances, I will generally begin by saying that I am married and have four children. In truth, I am a mother of five children. One has gone on before me. Two years after our fourth child was born, I became pregnant again. It […]
Can the abuser change? The short answer: Yes. Anyone can change. It’s a matter of desire, will and motive. Healthy people are generally desirous of change when they genuinely care about how their actions affect others and will accept an opportunity to contribute to their relationships in a meaningful way. Does the abuser really want […]
In our household, it is affectionately referred to as “bad juju.” I suppose that acknowledging temporary insanity with a dose of humor is half the battle. But when our lives are humming along at a fairly even keel, it is not at all humorous when one of us suddenly stumbles into it. The bad juju. […]
For Believers Considering Divorce “God hates divorce.” This Scripture, taken from the book of Malachi, is commonly used by friends, family, and pastoral counselors. I struggled for years with this decree, as I know others have in situations similar to my own. Although I was an abuse victim, my love for the Lord and my […]
Even from a young age I have enjoyed the simple wonders of nature. In elementary school I learned to identify many of the local songbirds, the scrub jays and red-tailed hawks that could be observed in our neighborhood on a daily basis. I gleaned a special joy from an occasional sighting of deer, raccoons and squirrels […]
In the must-read book, “Captivating,” co-authored with her husband (John Eldredge, the well-known author of “Wild at Heart”), Stasi Eldredge lays bare the deepest cries of a woman’s heart. Mrs. Eldredge betrays with painful vulnerability and sensitivity all of womanhood’s ever-pervasive yearning. A woman wants to know: Do you see me? Am I lovely? Every young […]
Dear Enabler-Victim Friends: Our actions reflect our belief system. As a recovering enabler, I have discovered that we enablers adhere to many common beliefs and thought processes as we attempt to cope in an abusive relationship. Maybe it’s time to compare some of our thoughts to reality. See for yourself whether I know what you’re […]
Disclaimer: It is understood that women as well as men can be abusers; however, the overwhelming majority of abusers are male. For this reason, references to abusers are in the masculine. The reader’s understanding is appreciated. In my own experience, and in my exposure to the experiences of other women who are abuse victims, it […]
It was the spring of 1993. I had been living in an abusive marriage for many years and had continued to honor my husband and submit to him, as any “good” wife was supposed to, living under his “umbrella of authority.” But, there was a critical turning point, and this was it. The evening before, […]
There are few things more painful than being treated poorly on a consistent basis by someone who professes to love you. On behalf of those of us who have experienced this reality – and we are many – it is my objective to enlighten others who find themselves in similar circumstances — to save others […]
Reclaiming Your Life “Then I will make up to you for the years that the swarming locust has eaten…” Joel 2:25 Catching Your Breath After living so many years in an abusive relationship and finally finding the strength and the will to leave, you want to believe that everything will get easier. Many things will […]
Seeing an Abusive Relationship for What It Is The slow and painful progression from a loving spouse with hopes and dreams has taken the enabler-victim to a place where she has been compelled to ask for help, acknowledge that she is living in an abusive relationship, build a support network and do what she must […]
Telling the Secrets In this ongoing chronicle of life with a verbal or emotional abuser, the enabler-victim, after months or years of living with a hyper-critical, controlling man, finally reaches a point of desperation, shares her pain, and asks for help. When an enabler-victim finally gets to a place where she knows she can’t live […]
The Downward Spiral We have followed the trail of the typical emotionally or verbally abusive relationship through the initial shock, rationalization, denial, acceptance and, now, the arrival at a place of perpetual fear and disillusionment. It is only a matter of time before the enabler-victim finds herself emotionally alone and physically exhausted. Nothing works. Life […]
Surviving in a Dangerous Environment In the first two parts of the series, we have looked at the slow and progressive evolution into a frightening relationship, where the abuse continues and escalates, but the enabler-victim still holds out hope. In Part III, we’re looking at her efforts to survive in the midst of ongoing pain. […]
The Next Step: Denial In Part I, we looked at the initial progression of the verbally or emotionally abusive relationship. Although the enabler-victim tries to overlook consistently hurtful actions at the hands of her abuser, the abuse not only continues; it increases. In the final few sentences of my first article I wrote, “…this person […]
Abuse, whether physical, verbal, emotional, or spiritual begins with one primary attitude that emanates from the abuser: superiority. The abuser will offer remarks criticizing or correcting his victim’s behavior, personality, profession, friends, family, choices, priorities, appearance, attitude, etc. He begins to strike a position of absolute knowledge and authority. With such clarity of mind, he […]
By the time many abuse victims find my website, they are beaten down, emotionally exhausted and thoroughly confused. They wonder whether their situations are hopeless, what they should do, and where to begin. To those of you to whom the above applies, I say: Don’t give up. You have taken the first step by discovering […]
I have been where you are. I understand the confusion and chaos you live with. I have told myself all of the same things you tell yourself, the rationalizations you use to justify the insanity of an unsafe relationship. I have also found freedom. I have discovered the truth. I want to you discover the […]