Tag Archives: truth

Making a commitment to live life according to a known truth will only yield its promised result if the truth to which you are committed is actually true. (You can read that again if it helps.)

 There are many principles to which I was committed during my 20-year marriage to a man who was a verbal and emotional abuser. Perhaps above all others, the 13^th chapter of I Corinthians, “the love chapter,” became the bedrock of my moral conviction that my marriage would and could be saved, grounded in the core premise that “love never fails.”

That section of Scripture assured me that if I loved fully and well it would accomplish the ultimate objective – to incite my husband to change and become an attentive, loving man – the best husband and father he could be. Our marriage and family would, in time, be restored. To my way of thinking, a faith-borne love must ultimately win.

Can the abuser change? The short answer: Yes.

Anyone can change. It’s a matter of desire, will and motive. Healthy people are generally desirous of change when they genuinely care about how their actions affect others and will accept an opportunity to contribute to their relationships in a meaningful way.

Does the abuser really want to change? The short answer: No.

Abusers don’t care if you’re happy; they care if they’re happy. Their control is far more important than your happiness. Therefore, on the occasion where his enabler-victim identifies an area of dissatisfaction or conflict in the relationship, the abuser will quickly attempt to squelch any discontent through verbal jeopardizing, diminishment or yelling.