Tag Archives: conflict

I am basically the same woman I was ten years ago – when I finally divorced my abusive husband.  I think my kids and family and friends would agree that my demeanor, priorities and personality are not so different now from what they were then.

So I wonder at times why the man to whom I am married now does not make it a habit to condemn or criticize me, or refuse to help me with household responsibilities, or find it convenient to list all of the ways I have fallen short.  This man is so pleasingly different from my former husband; he doesn’t spend money we don’t have, or tell me that there is something seriously wrong with me or shake his head in disgust while telling me that his life would be so much better if I wasn’t such a lousy wife.

Learn about divorce from the experience of a christian abuse victim and survivor.

Christian Divorce Part One

Christian Divorce Part Two

“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.”

I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning  statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to  myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank you.” For what he shared is something rarely heard.

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

At my church like many other churches they have a Men’s Ministry group, although I feel the name should be changed to “Men that Minister.” Anyway, I am always baffled when I am around men and they comment about how they seem to have a hard time connecting with their wives. Or when they share their displeasure of their marriage to me. This happened a long time ago in case someone is lurking and being nosy.

Now, first of all I must let it be known that I certainly do not occupy the corner of the market on wisdom in marriage, nor am I an expert on anything but knowing one thing for sure and that is that Christ came for restoration, and that we should seek restoration in all relationships if possible. I say “if possible” because it takes two too tango. Free will is involved. But when two persons will is to be restored and they seek the great Restorer then all things are possible.

Mr. Religious-Abuser,

My name is Doug Burrell, co-founder of a ministry that helps women who are married to super religious, super anointed, scripture spouting, pharisaical vipers who are full of dead men’s bones!

If you’re reading this letter, it most likely applies to you. Who in the hell do you think you are treating a precious gift from God the way you do?  I know how you play the game;  how you are always faithful in church and how you put on a great smile with everyone you meet. How you are falsely charming to everyone BUT your wife! I know you have the pastor and many others fooled into thinking you’re the next best thing since sliced bread. Well guess what? I know it’s all a lie! That’s right! You’re just a scared little man, afraid that everyone will find out who you really are. That’s the reason for the show. Your entire life is an act, and you know it!  News Flash – The world doesn’t revolve around you, and NO you’re not special at all!