Monthly Archives:July 2014

They don’t want to hear my stories.  They refuse to believe what I say.

“Show me your scars,” they tell me, crossing their arms in disdain.  “Prove to me the harm he has done.  Without physical proof of your pain, I have to assume you have none.”

I suppose it is easy for the outsider to distrust wounds for which there is no physical evidence.  And I confess, such indifference further adds to my pain.

If only he would hit me.  Sometimes I wish he would.  Then they might understand what he has put me through, how much it hurts, that some of the deepest wounds never bleed.  Maybe if my bones were broken, if blood flowed from all the hurting places, the cynics and know-it-alls would not be so quick to downplay my fears or tell me that the things he does or says are inconsequential.

On the Reformed Baptist Fellowship blog, Pastor D. Scott Meadows recently offered a document he suggested should serve as a Christian Wife’s Marriage Catechism.

Supposedly directed at believing women who are married to potentially ungodly unbelievers, let’s just say that upon reading it, I was enraged.  I prefer to think of the piece as An Abuser’s Empowerment Declaration.

Of the Questions and Answers provided, the two specifically noted below sent me into orbit.  Take a gander, reading as though a wife is asking the question, followed by the catechism response (You can click on the link above to read the entire catechism, along with a lengthy array of responses to the piece.):

Q11.    How good a husband is my husband to me?

A11.    Much better than I deserve, and therefore I will thank God for him every day.

First off, this is Doug, not Cindy. So forgive my un-gentleness.

Over at Reformed Baptist Fellowship.org Pastor D. Scott Meadows gives us a glimpse into the world of domination and control by wrongly wielding the scriptures to once again enforce the abusers mindset of total Narcissistic behavior and control over his ever so godly and submissive wife.

Here is a link to the manipulative article he wrote.   A Christian Wife’s Marriage Catechism

And here is what I think of it!

His mouth is full of curses and deceit and oppression; under his tongue is mischief and wickedness.

Proverbs 10:7

Just because an abuser is not raging does not mean he is suddenly safe or honest or genuine.  An abuser’s words cannot be trusted.  He is an artful deceiver and, in many cases, an out-and-out liar.  Words are simply a tool that can be fashioned to support his desired reality.

Of course, a healthy relationship should be grounded in truth, honesty and mutual concern, but the abuser does not share these values.  His primary concern is his own welfare, and where honesty should reign, he will not hesitate to construct and reconstruct a psychological house of mirrors that his victim must slog her way through, her objective being to somehow find some hard truth to hold onto amid the confusion.  The typical abuser seems quite adept at avoidance, deflection, deception, redirection, feigning ignorance, shifting blame or simply lying when the need arises.

In one such scenario, he might arrive home with an outlandishly expensive tool or toy that is either unnecessary or unaffordable (probably not the first time), but it’s something he wants.  Shocked by his spontaneous purchase, you may broach the issue by saying, “I thought we agreed we would not make any big purchases without discussing them.”