Monthly Archives:July 2012

Making a commitment to live life according to a known truth will only yield its promised result if the truth to which you are committed is actually true. (You can read that again if it helps.)

 There are many principles to which I was committed during my 20-year marriage to a man who was a verbal and emotional abuser. Perhaps above all others, the 13^th chapter of I Corinthians, “the love chapter,” became the bedrock of my moral conviction that my marriage would and could be saved, grounded in the core premise that “love never fails.”

That section of Scripture assured me that if I loved fully and well it would accomplish the ultimate objective – to incite my husband to change and become an attentive, loving man – the best husband and father he could be. Our marriage and family would, in time, be restored. To my way of thinking, a faith-borne love must ultimately win.

“It is better to be from a broken home than to live in one.”

I wish I knew the name of the pastor I heard on the radio who offered up that stunning  statement. I’ll admit my surprise knowing it was a pastor who said it. I remember smiling to  myself and exclaiming aloud, “Thank you.” For what he shared is something rarely heard.

For an abuse victim who dares to reveal to her friends and family members her inclination to leave her abuser, she often hears something quite different than what the pastor asserted. She will more likely hear, “What about the children?”

There it is: an emotional trump card, a ticking time bomb. Any convictions about escaping the emotional harm she and her children might face on a daily basis are at once upended and she finds herself catapulted into visions of an unavoidably disastrous future. Could it be that perhaps separating from the abuser will only make things worse? Is it true that a child is better off in an abusive household where both parents are present than in a broken home?

At my church like many other churches they have a Men’s Ministry group, although I feel the name should be changed to “Men that Minister.” Anyway, I am always baffled when I am around men and they comment about how they seem to have a hard time connecting with their wives. Or when they share their displeasure of their marriage to me. This happened a long time ago in case someone is lurking and being nosy.

Now, first of all I must let it be known that I certainly do not occupy the corner of the market on wisdom in marriage, nor am I an expert on anything but knowing one thing for sure and that is that Christ came for restoration, and that we should seek restoration in all relationships if possible. I say “if possible” because it takes two too tango. Free will is involved. But when two persons will is to be restored and they seek the great Restorer then all things are possible.