Monthly Archives:October 2011

Disclaimer: It is understood that women as well as men can be abusers; however, the overwhelming majority of abusers are male. For this reason, references to abusers are in the masculine. The reader’s understanding is appreciated.

In my own experience, and in my exposure to the experiences of other women who are abuse victims, it is apparent that there is a bizarre, almost word-for-word script associated with the behaviors and character qualities of abusers. Although I have not been exposed to physical abuse, a majority of these earmarks seem to be evident, whether the abuse is physical, verbal and/or emotional. Here we go…

It was the spring of 1993. I had been living in an abusive marriage for many years and had continued to honor my husband and submit to him, as any “good” wife was supposed to, living under his “umbrella of authority.” But, there was a critical turning point, and this was it.

The evening before, I had learned that my husband had initiated a dating relationship with another woman months before, not long after I had given birth to our third child. Though he assured me that the relationship was short-lived, I was devastated.

Emotionally spent and equally disillusioned, I left for work early the following morning, if nothing else just to put some distance between us. I wondered if I could ever trust him again, or if I even wanted to. Still, I couldn’t think only of myself; I had to think of our children. I had always believed that God could heal anything – even a broken marriage. But, at that moment, I questioned it all.